Thunder erupts in this living room shaking the walls, sliding furniture, rattling my bones.
covering my ears will never deafen the sound,
it doesn’t matter because I refuse to listen anymore
I am gone, yet I remain, lost in the mire.
Mom, can you hear me?
you’ve been gone almost a year
but I really need you now more than ever
you are somewhere in the aether, where celestial bodies lie. that’s what they say anyway.
Mom, can you see me?
did you know I only see things in monochrome. a sort of veil slipped over the world and has refused to depart. leaving my lens a gray washed canvas.
I don’t dream anymore.
I feel dead sometimes.
Mom, do you still love me?
do you remember before you died how we made that pact, you know that one that time in your bathroom. between just you and I.
maybe you couldn’t keep your end?
maybe I just wasn’t worth it.
Mom, if your listening, if I never see you again, I want you to know that I will love you forever.
I stood at a corner
of the busy intersection
of your lives
yet you all
with an indifference
to my torment.
of your laughter
made my blood boil,
making a mockery
out of my anguish.
You all passed me by
and I fell,
into the gutter,
where stench and decay
You all chose
not to see
that I was drowning
in a swollen river
of my own tears.
At the bottom
of that water
was a black abyss,
which enveloped me.
Okay. So I totally blew the diet. I’ve been freebasing flour and sugar for like a month now, easily.
I’m not sure I have the wherewithal to try again to get back on the proverbial wagon.
I’ve noticed a few changes. I mean other than the obvious weight gain one would expect. I have also noticed my mood could best be described as “bitch” on steroids. I have a short list of at least 5 people with which I’d like to take a bat to their head like a piñata.
I’m pretty sure this isn’t good thing.
Oh and salad? Yeah all the shit to make one putrefied at the back of the fridge 3 weeks ago. I ate pumpkin pie for breakfast and dinner today. I think I need a fucking intervention but it doesn’t look good for me. Not with the bat and all….
“In the desert, an old monk had once advised a traveler, the voices of God and the Devil are scarcely distinguishable.”
Ireland beats the All Blacks
Ireland beat the All Blacks 40-29 in Chicago to claim their first win against New Zealand since their first clash in 1905.