My BFF and I have been super close for 6 years as we’ve been through our respective betrayals at the same time together. Each supporting each other along the way. Hours on phone lines. Sometimes meeting up to go for a hike, for a bite, or just to sit and vent.
Her husband of 25 years who was a police officer had suicided by shooting himself in the head. It left her with 3 girls as a single mom. She moved on with a man who then dumped her after a 6 year relationship like a piece of trash, after points where he said things like,” don’t worry I won’t kill myself over you, you’re not worth it.” He would break up then make-up with her later apologizing to her. Once he dumped her on the anniversary of her late husbands death. To me, he was bad news.
This last time this man hurt her, it really pissed me off. He asked her to do a threesome with another guy and it had broke her heart. Why, she asked me if he loved her would he want to share her with another person? especially a man. It was like pimping her out. She said she felt she knew he had probably been unfaithful to her before with other girls but never had enough evidence. Which is why she didn’t leave. What if she was wrong? she reasoned. This, however really shook her up. It was a guy? All the times he ghosted her, blew off plans with her, disappeared for hours when she texted him never amounted to a smoking gun; it was always just circumstantial. I told her to always trust her gut feeling.
There was the time she told me that he sent some dick picks to a friend of his. Later saying it was “as a joke.” Another time she said he loved to have anal sex, but rarely face to face sex. She wondered if she wasn’t attractive enough. It made her feel really insecure. Also he has claimed to have ED (erectile dysfunction) and had to take Viagara. It made having consistent sex challenging because of the cost of the drug apparently. Not covered by insurance. Then he mentioned an app called Grindr to her one day. It’s the gay version of Tinder. She wondered how he knew about it. I was secretly wondering if he wasn’t into dudes more than he was women?
My BFF can’t seem to move on from her ex no matter how badly he treated her. After all he is her ex. She is dating someone new now but every time she gets a text from this ex, she’s running off to meet him. When her current boyfriend is out of town, this ex will just find out from stalking the new boyfriend’s FB page that her boyfriend is gone and then show up at her house! He’s always begging her to go back with her. Asking her is she loves the new guy etc.
When I heard about her getting rectal cancer right after the ex dumped her, I was stunned. Holy crap. This is serious and scary. She had never had anal sex with anyone else and with him wanting a threesome with a man etc, She NEEDS to get over this man. She says she knows he’s bad for her but she stil loves him. She’s not sure how to get over him.
I’m pretty sure if she had evidence of him being on Grindr, which he had mentioned, she’d be done. She asked me point blank if I thought maybe he was bisexual. Ummm yup.
So what did I do with all this?
I created an account on Grindr to find her ex, because I felt like if I could find the ex on there, I could finally prove to to her he was a liar. That because of his deception she would be able to grieve and truly move on.
Even setting up an account was a lot harder than I thought it would be. There were questions I didn’t know how to answer. What “tribes” do you belong to? Bear, Leather, Daddy, Twink, Jock, Clean-Cut. WTF….Then there was another question asking if you were taking “PrEP.” I had to Google that. PrEP means Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis, and it’s the use of anti-HIV medication that keeps HIV negative people from becoming infected. Who knew? I thought barrier methods were the only methods out there. We’ve come a long way baby! There was another question which asks if you are HIV negative and to list the date of your last test.
After all that it was show time. I hit the Grindr highway searching for his mug. Only to learn you have the be a paying member that be able to “unlock” profiles that are searchable by towns etc. So looking for him can only be narrowed by race, tribe, and age. It became like looking for the needle in the proverbial haystack.
So while I’m contemplating all of this, men began messaging me or actually “Kyle” as my profile suggested I was. Asking me if was interested in a “blow-n-go.” Was that even a thing? Too bad there wasn’t a rub my muff and go. Ha!! They started started asking me for a pic. Kyle’s face pic was there so I knew what they must want.
Before I could confirm it, one man fired off two dick pics of his nether region! Holy jumped up schlongs. This thing looked like it belonged to a donkey.
I mean day-um. I couldn’t help but admire this man. I knew I needed a pic to send back so I sent my ex narchole’s tootsie roll back. I knew there was a reason I had never deleted every shot.
I said he had a nice cock. He said I had a nice cock. This was the most fucked up sext I think I had ever sent. I was feeling guilty about even this tiny fake exchange. I had to go. Said I needed to go to work. That was true, I needed to get busy finding my friends ex.
In a sea of handsome faces and ripped abs, a girl can get distracted. More men started chatting Kyle up.
This one man was so sweet when he sent a photo I expected a nasty genital shot but it was just his face. He was so nice. Said he was lonely. It just resonated so deeply. Because so was I. I knew right there, I had to bag this whole thing. I couldn’t ethically proceed any further, even if I couldn’t help my friend. There were too many nice guys, even if they were just looking for a blow-n-go, I didn’t have the heart to interfere. It just felt wrong.
The lesson I learned from this was that hearts can be in the right place but things can still end up with a hurtful outcome, even if that wasn’t the intent.
When I was a kid back in grammar school, imagining being a superhero was often the topic of conversation on the school yard at recess. One of the questions we often discussed was which superpower if we could only choose one, would we choose.
My life as of late often feels pretty hopeless, unhappy, missing direction, and love seems like a phantoms I appear to chase like a filaments of smoke. Because my life seems power-less, I have revisited this childhood question.
I believe I would choose invisibility. I think I could learn so much using it. Beyond the obvious few places I may go, such as see if someone indeed was shit-talking me behind my back, I think that much could be gleaned from being invisible.
There are many places that visiting while being seen, could put me in harms way. I’d like to go deep inside a maximum security prison and listen to some of the most violent offenders while they talk inside their psychological/pastoral sessions. I’d want to infiltrate the government to see just how far the corruption truly runs, for myself. I’d like to go to the areas where the majority of people are living below the Federal Poverty Line to see where money and services need to go and learn just how tough life is day to day. I could go fairly close to feral exotic animals and watch them without spooking them or getting hurt.
If I am honest, there is a voyeuristic streak about the whole being “invisibility power.” I’d probably want to learn about others that are different than me; or at least different than I perceive them to be. I’d want to follow them around for a few days. See how they live their lives. I’d definitely choose people from a different gender, race, color, creed, sexual orientation, or religion than myself.
Maybe after following them in my invisibility, I would determine they weren’t all that different than me after all. Maybe I would think they were. Sure would be an interesting experience though.
If you had one superpower for a short time, what would you choose?
Now she’s with one of my goodtime buddies drinkin in some cross town bar….