There’s no such thing as love at first sight.
maybe lust at first sight.
infatuation at first sight.
endorphin, adrenaline, oxytocin rush at first sight………
but that other bullshit that the Hallmark greeting card industry perpetuates……
just doesn’t exist.
but I bought into it at such a young age.
from the very first fairy tales I read.
Snow White being awakened by her Prince Charming’s kiss.
Rapunzel being rescued by some valiant knight on a steed at the tower.
and how can we forget Cinderella, suffering at the hands of unspeakable humiliation and abuse awaiting rescue by a wealthy, handsome Prince, who only saw her for what like five minutes at a dance? Pfffftt c’mon.
Yet I fell for it hook line and sinker, like so many other girls do. And our culture perpetuates it with movies like Pretty Woman, the same storyline, a modern version of Cinderella. but it’s just not reality is it.
and for those of us who come from neglect and trauma, we are just hoping that we will find that love we so desperately didn’t get in that other.
the love, attention and affection that we were denied as children.
which, is a pretty goddamn normal thing to want…..yet an impossible expectation to have of another person.
One person can not fill such a gaping void.
how then? how to learn to give oneself that thing. I have no fucking clue.
People talk about finding a Higher Power, God, to fulfil this and intellectually I get it, makes total sense.
but at the end of the day there’s just a total fucking disconnect.
I can’t speak for others, but for me? I really need a God with skin.