Into thin air….

At one time, my heart broke over this sex-addict.  He was sleeping with prostitutes, going to gang bangs, whoring around with swingers, doing NSA chicks off Craigslist, and caning, whipping, flogging, spanking my ass.

Tell me there is nowhere to go but up from THAT shit …

Oh but indeed I managed to sink lower…..

My heart is presently ripping in two, because my latest relationship just went belly up; into thin air.

While he was passed out from drinking two pints of Vodka (his usual daily intake) I looked at his cell phone while he was passed out,  I know I know wrong on so many levels.   And found he’d texted his buddy in San Fransisco asking if there are any conservative hot chicks there.

To which his buddy replied, “do you mind Asian girls?”  He’s already procuring the next piece of ass while he’s sleeping off his hangover in my bed.

But he said he loved me and wanted to marry me, and I freakin trusted him! I freakin’drank the Kool-aid.   He appears for his pre-trial divorce hearing in a few weeks, signed his parental rights away to his 3 kids, got thrown out of his parents house for acting like such a verbally abusive asshat, has no job because he resigned in a drunken stupor but by the time he reneged, they accepted, just got out of two detox’s in a row.


My mind and heart are on parallel courses.

I thought if I just showed him what love could be, what kindness could be, if I cleaned up his puke, held his hand through his Librium haze, tolerated his calling me denigrating names when he is shit faced…..

gave him the best head he ever had, kissed him from head to toe, read from the Big Book, prayed with him, booked his doctors appointments for him, reminded him to keep them, maybe he would see he had something good?   WTF??

Even sadder, I still love him.   And wish that at the end up the episode it could all work out and that he would get sober and stop lying.  That we could live happily ever after in the Barbie Dream house with the convertible by the pool.   But not…..with that fucking Skipper bitch.


Oh, please…like you’ve never had any train-wreck breakups….pfffftt.

4 responses to “Into thin air….

  1. Lexi, I know you are hurting but the way you express yourself I have to smile, maybe because I’ve been there? Oh yeah!! I’ve been there!! My mom bought me a card once with a picture of this hobo looking toothless scraggy old guy on the front and it said something like,
    “I have my standards, they have to be breathing”
    In all honesty when I met James, he was fresh out of rehab for coke, had a court date pending for his 2nd impaired charge and was losing his license for 6 months, was only working 1 day a week (but had so much potential) and the first night we slept together he poured himself a water glass full of rye for the morning so he could pound it before he got out of bed at 6 am for work.
    Geezz, no red flags there!! But he was so honest about his flaws that must count for something, and my perfect love was going to save him. Nope can’t relate Lexi.
    Psst don’t tell, but Ken doesn’t have a penis.

    Hugs ((((((((((Lexi))))))))))) I am truly sorry you are hurting. I wish I could give you a real hug and let you get my shoulder soggy.


    • Yep that’s what I love about you Carrie. You can own that you’ve been there.
      WTF though, with the “so much potential” thing….it’s like I’m driving through life
      looking for fixer-uppers.

      But hey, as if I’m some fuckin’ prize possession. I’m this needy, clingy, low-self esteem filled,
      chick who is Nancy Drew always putting together the pieces of the game Clue. Waiting poised with cat-like reflexes
      for him to run out the door with his pants bunched up at his ankles because I just found
      some chicks phone number in the front pocket.

      Its the new boyfriend, in the study, banging some new whore with his lead pipe.

      and there I am at 2 am sending a text, telling him I miss him, does it ever get lower? oh let’s wait for the season 2 of Lexi’s life…


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