Everyone wants to be “the most special”


The other night, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend and he asked me, “do you love me more than all other guys you have been in relationship with?”

I instantly replied, “yes”.   Partly because I thought maybe it is what he wanted to hear.  I think am a people pleaser at my core.   Although I am trying to change this about myself.  Mostly though,  because I truly feel that way.

I mean don’t a lot of us want to hear that when we are with a new long-term partner?  Be the best lover, the best kisser, the one with whom they hold the deepest most intimate loving connection?

Do we seriously want to be told, “No, I was far more in love with my ex than you.”  Or, “I had the best sexual experiences with my ex, you pale in comparison.”  I don’t think so.

I think it’s only natural to want to be the most special to someone.  To be number one, to be held highest in regard to that person.   And yet, every individual is just that….an individual.   We cannot compare people.  We all bring different attributes and qualities that we can hardly compare each other, to each other.

If I lined up all my ex’es in a row.   I could hardly make side by side comparisons.   Even sexually speaking.  Because it is my emotional connection at any given point that drove the sexual chemistry between us.   When the emotional connection began to become splintered, so did my desire to want to be touched physically et cetera.

Some had the same taste in music, some shared my dark humor.   Some did not.

People are like fruit, but one could hardly compare a strawberry to a piece of watermelon. They taste nothing alike.

When asked if I loved one person more than another?  Hmmmmm.   That’s tough.  People are all different.   Each one is special in their own way.  Each one unique.   I don’t know that one was or is more powerfully loved.   I have to do more thinking on the matter.  Yeah, maybe I just think too fucking much.

side bar:   Although I can say I do not like apples.   I simply don’t care for them.