Ass slave

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I left the fetish/kink lifestyle behind 6 years years ago.  I returned back to the nilla world.  All I have are remnants from it.  Photos on a thumb drive tucked away in a wool pair of striped socks way at the back of my sock drawer.   And my “collar” I used to wear huh, collar.  It was a Tiffany choker with my ex-Narcs name engraved on it, “N’s girl”.   Because after all, I was his property, but back then I didn’t understand that. I thought it was like a legit relationship.  I mean, it felt real.

There are pro’s to the vanilla life.  Things are predictable.   Ho-hum.   Little to no fear.  No drama.  What you see is what you get.  You can expect lots of missionary sex, giving blow jobs, and watching Netflix and Sunday football.  Not so bad at all.

I read quite a few blogs here on WP with people who are still in the lifestyle.  Nostalgia I suppose.   Maybe I’ll have to ask Lee why I read them, maybe not.   Some days my mind wanders.  I re-visit things I did.   Sexual positions I was placed in.   The sheer education I underwent.  Scenes we did.  Anal sex, hot damn.  Double penetrations. The twisted porn we watched.  The amazing orgasms I had, one after the other.   I never knew multiple organs really existed until I met the Narcissist/Sociopath.   Once he learned I could have more than one, it became a numbers game for him to see how many he could get out of me.  How many were possible.  There were times thet I felt so much pleasure as I came, I actually cried because I couldn’t bear it.   Unless you’ve been there, this will make little sense.

When I was a child and I would get bored and restless, I’d think about running away and living in my Barbie camper in the Midwest growing marijuana crops and growing some for distribution and then just smoking by the campfire and eating s’mores.

Times have changed.  Now when things are boring I end up thinking about joining a nudist colony for the summer.  Or maybe becoming part of a leather family.   I imagine I could be Master (fill-in-Dom-sounding-name’s) ass slave.   Then again, I’ve have always had a hard time sharing.  I’d have to be a subordinate to the first slave, some bitch with some new-age name like Zena.  That wouldn’t work, she’d try to pull rank with me and with my temper and it would just be so on.

Ass slave, has a nice ring to it.

 

About Lexicon Lover

Read all about my journey (and musings) of recovery from both complex childhood trauma and incest, it’s manifestation in my adult life through maladaptive behaviors like BDSM, self-injury, eating disorder, substance abuse and toxic relationships; one with whom was a Narcissistic Sociopath. View all posts by Lexicon Lover

6 responses to “Ass slave

  • Luna Empath

    I’m so sorry you had a horrible relationship with a dominant. That is why I will probably never submit to a dominant man. I have heard so many stories of abuse between dominant men and submissive women. It’s so scary. Something that should be beautiful and empowering becomes horrible and nightmare-inducing. And as an empath, you know I am going to attract nothing but narcissists and sociopaths. 😦 It really scares me that so many of these negative types are in BDSM. I think it’s really brave of you to share your story, though. And the more I read from you, the more I believe that you should really write a memoir. 🙂 It would be an amazing one.

    Like

    • Lexicon Lover

      Always thought about writing a memoir . I need two things to write it : Help with structuring the years and vignettes and a a talented fucking editor. You wouldn’t know anyone perchance when the time comes? I live in Pergatory, Massachusetts. ✨ xo

      Liked by 1 person

  • Lexicon Lover

    You are such a giving person, you remind me of me 😊

    Like

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