Monthly Archives: June 2018

Running from myself

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Have you ever experienced so much emotional pain and misery that you feel like you are bleeding from the inside out? That you are willing to just say a silent  goodbye to your family, job, home, belongings, everything?  To take to the road and just drive away and leave it all behind?

It’s to difficult to believe these thoughts have crossed my mind.  At the same time I just want to escape the stress and pain.  It’s been so long since I’ve truly laughed or felt a sense of peace and joy.   The closest I’ve come is when I’m immersed in nature.

Nature never judges.  Nature’s beauty, it  never lets me down.   Yet, there is something missing still, even there.

There is something missing in my life.  There is a hole inside my heart from long ago, that has never mended, that needs to still heal.   All the wounds that have been layered over, have further destroyed me.

Now I just want to run.  Run until I can’t find myself anymore.

 

 


Something to rely on

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Photo: (mine) – The Marina –       Brattleboro, VT    2018

 

There are so many factors in life that are out of my control.  I can’t contol people, places, or things.  On good days, I find that sometimes I can’t even control myself.  A negative thought will drift in, my temper will flare, sadness will envelope me. I don’t always know how to sort them out.

Tumultuous emotions swirl within me, morose feelings can stir and despite this blue skies can be be smiling at me.

I believe that is why I find myself more grounded in nature.  Though the winds change direction and the rain may come and go, in a world of loss and constant change, I know the sun will  rise and set everyday.


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