She let herself go

 

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Want to know how a woman goes from looking sexy and shaving her pussy, getting her brows waxed, nails done; to packing on a shit ton of weight, wearing a pair of sweatpants like skin, and wandering through life with no make-up?

Too easy.

Its because….she gave up.

“There are some things worse than being alone,” my step-dad once told me, “and one of them is being in a bad relationship.” ‘Course I didn’t believe him at that time.

I’ve got an update for him now, if he were here for me to tell.   But he’s gone the bastard.  My step-dad disowned me when my mom told him his son had molested me as a child.  The truth hurts, some run.

I’d tell him,  “There are some thing worse than being dead and one of them is staying in a relationship once it’s already on life-support instead of just pulling the plug.”

Watching yourself slip away a little at a time after your partner slipped away.   When you finally “come to”, you are old and ugly and barely recognizable in the mirror.   Worse still, your soul feels marred and there is a disconnect from the only Higher Power that can pull you from the black place you find yourself in.

You are now a mere shadow of who you once were.  Not caring if you are physically dead some days, because you already feel dead on the inside.  The urge to pull the wheel to the embankment at 80 mph on the freeway creeps in more than it should.

“She let herself go”, you hear them say, and you don’t even care anymore.  It’s true because you did.  So fucking what.

You have bigger fish to fry now, than a to maintain that trim waistline and to try and look sexy for any superficial jerk-off liar who objectifies women.

Newsflash bitches.  Your cocks aren’t a higher power.  They never were.   And for all the women ensnared by abusive asshole men who exploited our kindness and love? I’ll raise you a fuck off to your “ISO a submissive” racket.

Stop acting out your own victimization under the pretense of helping to guide, shape, or otherwise better women.

Oh she let herself go alright, and that may have been a blessing in disguise.   Because  now maybe she can go inward and create the person she should have been.

 

 

 

 

About Lexicon Lover


3 responses to “She let herself go

  • justsaltwriter

    Totally relatable and honest.

    I think one reason victims of incest stay silent for so long (often waiting until a parent is dead, etc. to tell anyone) is that when the truth comes out it often ends up splitting the family and on some level we victims know we will end up losing the MOST in such splits. After we have already lost so much, it’s unbearable.

    Ever heard that country song, about how ‘she let herself go’… after her divorce…on a cruise…or something like that.

    Like

    • Lexicon Lover

      Thank you. No, I don’t listen to country save for a few songs by Allison Krauss but I’ll go on YouTube to take a listen. I had asked my mom to promise never to tell my step-father about the incest. Years after the divorce when my life had derailed and he started taking shots about how I was a failure and wouldn’t amount to anything she couldn’t take it and broke that promise. I’m glad my mom spoke up. My step-dad and his son were both POS’s

      Liked by 1 person

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