A tangled mess of gnarly vines are wrapping around my heart choking love with every beat.
I haven’t a sword sharp enough to cut them away,
for if I did I would gladly start swinging.
This cold feeling that’s creeping in is too much to bear.
Mom, did you see me at your grave?
Three days ago it was exactly a year that God called you home.
I miss you more now than ever.
There is a hole in my heart that will never mend.
I am having trouble hearing the sound of your voice in my mind and I can’t visualize how you were when you were healthy.
Well meaning people say that it will all come back but I’m frightened.
Mom, do you miss me?
I wonder if you saw my teardrops as they feel upon the earth as I sat there in the blackness next to the cold granite stone.
I wanted you to.
I wanted to share some sort of connection with you because I can’t feel you anymore!!!
Mom, is this what’s supposed to happen?
You were always the one I turned to with questions, for advise, for comfort. I feel so lost this past year. As if several of my limbs are missing.
Twisting. Contorted. Flailing in life.
I gave some more thought about the pact we made and had an epiphany. I was worth it but It HAS to be this way.
I’m so sorry I thought you may not have kept it.
Mom, I love you so much that it aches.
I long to put my arms around you again and hug you, to kiss your cheek and tell you I love you just one more time.
Mom, just know that I miss you, I think about you every day, and I will always love you to the moon and back.