Category Archives: Uncategorized

Public Apology to dragos1229

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Some time ago, around mid July , I was perusing the blogs and I came across a blog:  thestoryline.co.uk

The blogger had posed a question to  readers asking why he thought his blog had been banned several times.

I did a very cursory look at the content, less than 5 minutes and wrote to the blog authors contact page privately to tell him what I thought:

”Firstly, You don’t have the balls to let readers leave a comment. That’s fucked up. So I guess that makes you somewhat of a stalker.thst you get to comment on others blogs but not let anyone comment on your own. Secondly the content of your blog sucks. For example,  you wrote about the night you spent with a hooker and another high-end escort you brought home to your folks. Big deal. Do you know how many “I fucked a hooker blogs” are out there that say that, but are actually in interesting read? Thirdly, it is clear as day that you are misogynistic. So what, all us women should be clamoring to read your words wielding shit about us neatly hidden (or not) behind saccharine pleasantries. So we should be grateful you let the hooker stay with you overnight instead of paying her and letting her go home.  She was probably counting the minutes to get the hell away from you. If you’re such a great fucking guy why the need for a whore? Get a relationship. Real men don’t need to pay. So yeah, unless you want to bunch of blokes reading your blog, try little harder. Had your vitriol towards women a little better, or just openly admit you fucking hate women. Just because you have a fat wallet and a fat cock doesn’t make you Ernest Hemingway.

It was only after I sent it I realized I shouldn’t have.   Often times we don’t think about how words impact others.  Normally,  I do.  Normally I am careful with people’s feelings, I am very empathic.  The multitude of personal and relationship issues I had been going through made me lose my own basic courtesy.  The deaths of two parents 3 months apart, losing my son to a year long treatment center, a slow steady disintegration of my diet of my present relationship with daily verbal abuse were among the stressors.

There is still no excuse to displace aggression on another.  There is no excuse treat anyone with disrespect, either publicly or privately.   I would like to extend a public apology to him for my words.   Also to the blogging community at large.   It marked a personal low for me. I feel ashamed of my actions and wish I could go back in time and have simply said nothing.

Dragos1229, I am very sorry for my actions.  None of what I said had any basis in truth, it was more representative of grief and my own mental state.

 


Porn

 

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The mere mention of the word in certain circles is enough to stir a heated debate among some.   Hey,  it’s right up there next to fornication.

It objectifies women.   It’s addictive.   And the latest is that it’s a gateway behavior.   The last one is really the best one, you know.  ‘Cause gosh so many of my friends who have watched porn over the years are now either working in the sex and porn industry don’t cha know.

It always starts out so innocent with watching online videos, then progresses to a threesome, followed by a pole-dancing job at a strip club, and ends up with a job at Studio 20 working livestream camming…………Not.

Seriously though, while I do believe that it can be a gateway behavior for some, I believe the comparison is the same as alcoholism.  Some people have a proclivity to develop an addiction to porn.   There is a direct correlation with the amount of porn usage and the susceptibility to porn addiction and that’s what the data doesn’t say.

There is also a double standard.   If a man is caught with porn, bloody hell, he best be ready to do hand-to-hand combat with his partner and should hire a damn good defense attorney because he’ll be sleeping anywhere but their bed.   If a woman is caught watching some porn, she’s a spicy catch.   It’s like winning the lotto.  Something is wrong with the way our society views gender roles and sexuality.

If a man likes and has a lot of sex he’s considered a stud.  If  a woman likes and had a lot of sex she’s considered a whore.  What?!!!!!

Sexuality has always been taboo here in the U.S. ever since the Puritans stepped off the boat in 1630.   The fact is there is nothing wrong with our bodies.  They are the greatest instrument we will ever own.

Whatever your opinion is on porn, one thing is for sure, this 97 billion dollar industry isn’t going away any time soon.  I for one am glad about this fact, because on occasion,  I enjoy watching some porn.

#LoveMyself

 

 

 


What a crock

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I was grocery shopping today.  I thought to myself, “I’m going to attempt something of a culinary feat.… I am going to cook a meal.”  I thought more, “other than American chop suey.”

So quick-as-a-jiffy I whipped out my iPhone and Googled “how to make beef stew in a Crock pot.”  Figuring it pretty much cooks itself in there anyway.

Recipes danced across the page.  I hit on the “easy” one.  I gathered up all the ingredients until I got to the beef part.  I headed over to the butcher who asked if he could help me.

“Yes, I need some beef for beef stew.”

“Thats over in the beef section on the right.”

Rather embarrassed, I leaned in and told him, “my mom was a bit of a domestic genius, she could could sew, quilt, bake, and cook like no one’s business.  It seems though, that gene passed me over.”

I paused, “ But I have other skills.” and then I winked at him.

He stared back at me blankly.  Then he fetched some Choice top round beef,  cut it , and packaged it for me.  I got home and realized I probably forgot to buy the most important thing in the recipe,  the crock pot.

Being partnered with the ex-narchole sex addict years ago had one advantage. I ended up with some mad skills.

That said, it’s never too late to learn.  I hope to cook a stew worthy of my mom’s approval.   If they have a Crock pot cook-off in heaven, she would definitely win.

#noshame

 

 


Sugar-cane shrapnel

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Captains log,  Stardate 2321.5

It is Day 33 of the Diet.  An invader boarded the ship smuggling Halloween candy with them.   I ordered a red alert.  Despite setting the phasers to stun I was unable to stop the powerful force field-like grip the candy had pulling me towards it.

I consumed a shit-ton of said confection and my self-esteem was badly injured in the melee.

I awoke with sugar dust on my lips,  chocolate on my fingers, lying in a pile of mini-wrappers feeling like I wanted to vomit.   Demoralized sums it up best.

Perhaps I am the unfortunate of which the Big Book speaks on page 58,  I’m feeling quite depressed.  After losing a good amount of weight when I faced the scale on Day 30, this my WP peeps was an epic fail.

“Chekov, resume original course to Planet Diet, warp factor 2.   Engage….”

 

 


It’s Flu Season

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When I was a kid there was no such thing as flu shots.  You just either got the flu or you didn’t and when you did it was bad.  You ended up with a cough, runny nose, sore throat, a bad case of the ”runs”, the projectile pukes, a high fever and alternating chills, muscle aches, and even shakes that felt like your bones rattled.

The difference is you never heard of kids dying from it on the evening news.  I mean, maybe they did?  Perhaps it wasn’t newsworthy in the 1970’s.

I got my flu shot today.  My arm is already sore as hell 1 hour post-injection.  Feels like I’ve thrown about a hundred baseball pitches. Hurts to even lift it.   Takes a full two weeks to develop immunity to the flu virus itself.  Of course the virus is always mutating so there is never 100% protection against it.

Mid flu season there’s always some major network news anchor that says the CDC got the vaccine “wrong” again and the shot you received won’t have much protection but that it will do “something.”

Which translates to me as “I just got ripped off with some fake ass useless BS.

Today, there are flu clinics held at both adult and pediatric facilities nationwide.   There were 80,000 deaths in the 2018-2018 flu season, 180 of those were children.

I think I will always wonder how we managed as kids to get the flu and survive it as children way back then.   Nowadays, you hear about kids that become ill with the flu and then die so quickly from it only two days later.

Is it because it’s a more virulent strain than the strains of yesteryear? Is it that modern day children have more compromised immune systems?  Not to thump on the immigration issue.  I’m okay with people coming here to find Amnesty but back in the 1970’s we didn’t have as many foreign people living here.  Is it possible that not only fauna and flora are coming over,  but also funky new viruses? Just a thought.

Last year I opted out of receiving the flu vaccine.  I managed just fine to skate through the entire season.   Which leads me to wonder in the vaccine industry is perhaps using propaganda to instill fear and then capitalize on big seasonal profits they receive from people like me who race out to get the shots.

What do you think? Is it all hype and fear tactics designed to generate revenue for Big Pharma or actual concern for children and adults who are most “vulnerable”?

Thoughts?

 


Missy Misdemeanor Elliot?

This grandma blew me away.

Rapping to Missy’s ‘Work It’

WTF! I hope I can kick it when I get this old 🤣

….

 


In the Big house

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In addition to the clinical diagnosis of OCD I received at 19, I know I have body dysmorphia as well.  This is where when you look in the mirror you see a very distorted body image of yourself which is not accurate.  They are not mutually exclusive but can be comorbid diagnoses.   I know I look horrible, but when I point out others who I believe to which I look similar; they say “no way, that it’s simply not true.”  That I am projecting and exaggerating my fears rather than reality .   That is what I see? It isn’t a projection!

So I’m nearly 30 days in on this diet and it feels like I’m stuck in some sort of TV episode of ‘60 Days In’ meets ‘My 600 lb.life.‘

I’m not sure how I can keep doing this same old same old, ad nauseum, ad infinitum?  The old me lived for being alone in a room with my junk food freebasing a box of Little Debbies.    Now? Exercise is supposed to blow my dress back.  Well guess what.  It doesn’t.  It’s work.  And those neural pathways haven’t been created yet so it feels like drudgery.

Something weird has shifted though.  Other than eating Cheetos for that one discrete time, I seem to have developed the old food aversions that I had back a child.  Where I became so emaciated the doctor threatened to put a g-tube in me.

Fears related to food are cropping up all over again.  The same exact fears that caused my anorexia to begin at around age 10-11 years old.   I have severe OCD and get skeeved out pretty easily by a lot of foods.  I am an extremely picky eater.   If I cannot eat something that tastes palatable, I often opt to starve and just skip meals altogether.

It seems my dream of finding a better more healthy relationship with food is slipping away fast.

I feel frustrated.  I don’t know what belies this whole eating disorder and my therapist is not very helpful or insightful one bit.

I hope everyone out there who is on their own diet is able to stick with whatever they are doing.   Send me encouraging thoughts and prayers if you would!

‘Cause right now I’ve got the jailhouse blues.

 


Directions

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There’s never a shortage of people in Hamp who stop and ask me for directions to some random street.   I have no idea where things are,  I don’t live there.  Maybe I appear like I have a knowing look about me? Maybe I look like a townie?

“Do you know where blah blah blah is?” some lady asks.  “No, sorry I don’t,” I say.   “I heard it’s around here somewhere,” she goes on.  “Yeah, I have no idea, sorry about that.”  

Not 10 minutes later a man asks me if I know where some restaurant is and the conversation goes the same way.

I feel I’ve turned into a curmudgeonly old man.  Why this irritates me? Who knows.   Probably for the same reason that everything irritates me these days.  The wind blowing in the wrong direction bothers me.  It’s like PMS on steroids.

I’ve decided the next time someone asks me if I know where blah blah blah is, I’m going to look at them with a straight face and say in my average girl next door American voice, “I’m sorry, I wish I could help you but I don’t speak a lick of English, good luck with that though.

That should be fun times.

 


Diet

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So I’ve been on this diet.  I have a crap ton of weight to lose.   I love it when my pot-belllied primary care physician in his mid-60’s told me that I needed to lose weight at my last check-up.  As if it’s something I didnt know? WTF.   I almost wanted  to pretend to over exaggerate falling off that tiny half-table they sit your ass on and say,” Oh my God! I’m over weight?” “is there anything I can do about it doctor?” “Is there any hope?” And then fake cry.

As if I don’t already know and I never look in the damn mirror.  He looks like he’s ready to push out twins mind you….but okay.

Back to the diet.  Let’s start with the word diet.  It’s comprised of the words “die” from the German “dii” and “t”.  That’s because of you don’t go on it, you die and you get a nice cross over your grave after the burial service.  So okay, the etymology was total bullshit but it sounded good.

I have been on said diet since October 7th.  Time feels like dog years or some shit with each day passing.  Each hour is expanding somehow.   I watch other people eating bread and feel envious, and if I spy someone eating pastry? I want to curse at them.  Jealous little thing I am.   In some cruel twist of fate my metabolism has slowed from when I was twenty.  I gain weight looking at their damn cupcake!

All the slicing and the chopping and the vegetable prepping is so labor intensive.   I can’t wait for this dog and pony show to be over.

Where is the healthy food drive-thru?  Where can I order my 4 oz of protein and 8 oz of raw veggies, and 8 oz of steamed spinach to go Mcfast.  Oh that’s right nowhere.  There’s only Mcslop up the street under the Golden Arches.

Every where I turn there is flagrant food porn staring me down, enticing me to “come back.”

I am holding steady though.  Like walking a tight rope 100 feet up.  So far I’ve only tettered on the wire, no falls yet.

I’m still rocking this diet, it’s Day 12 WP peeps.

 


Sign guy

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Photo: mine

There is an unusual man in the town in which I live.    He stands at the town’s center with big ass signs which he creates on huge white poster board.   He proudly parades his work walking slowly along the side walk during rush hour traffic.   About every month he heads uptown donning his freshly crafted creation for all to see.

It is important to note that this town is an extremely left leaning, liberally based community…. as a whole.

In 2016, one sign he made spawned a 23 yr. old woman  and 23 yr. old man to physically assault him.  They were both subsequently arrested.

His signs certainly are shocking.  One of his signs read, “Caitlin Jenner ain’t no woman, boys ask your dads.”

Another read, “Bring back the bitchslap.

Yet another sign read,  “Feminist witches and soyboy bitches, lmao”

The Chief of Police said that he is protected under the 1st amendment to peacefully display his signs.   However,  the town’s local BID (Business Industrial District) asked business not to sell sign making materials to this man.

Our family stopped by to ask for the above photo with this man and he was happy to oblige.

His words may be shocking, rude, and vulgar.   That said,  I have come to admire sign guy for his authenticity, his courage to stand up and face an entire community who do not believe as he does.  Sign guy has brass balls.

Rock on Phil, keep making your signs baby.

 


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