I left the fetish/kink lifestyle behind 6 years years ago. I returned back to the nilla world. All I have are remnants from it. Photos on a thumb drive tucked away in a wool pair of striped socks way at the back of my sock drawer. And my “collar” I used to wear huh, collar. It was a Tiffany choker with my ex-Narcs name engraved on it, “N’s girl”. Because after all, I was his property, but back then I didn’t understand that. I thought it was like a legit relationship. I mean, it felt real.
There are pro’s to the vanilla life. Things are predictable. Ho-hum. Little to no fear. No drama. What you see is what you get. You can expect lots of missionary sex, giving blow jobs, and watching Netflix and Sunday football. Not so bad at all.
I read quite a few blogs here on WP with people who are still in the lifestyle. Nostalgia I suppose. Maybe I’ll have to ask Lee why I read them, maybe not. Some days my mind wanders. I re-visit things I did. Sexual positions I was placed in. The sheer education I underwent. Scenes we did. Anal sex, hot damn. Double penetrations. The twisted porn we watched. The amazing orgasms I had, one after the other. I never knew multiple organs really existed until I met the Narcissist/Sociopath. Once he learned I could have more than one, it became a numbers game for him to see how many he could get out of me. How many were possible. There were times thet I felt so much pleasure as I came, I actually cried because I couldn’t bear it. Unless you’ve been there, this will make little sense.
When I was a child and I would get bored and restless, I’d think about running away and living in my Barbie camper in the Midwest growing marijuana crops and growing some for distribution and then just smoking by the campfire and eating s’mores.
Times have changed. Now when things are boring I end up thinking about joining a nudist colony for the summer. Or maybe becoming part of a leather family. I imagine I could be Master (fill-in-Dom-sounding-name’s) ass slave. Then again, I’ve have always had a hard time sharing. I’d have to be a subordinate to the first slave, some bitch with some new-age name like Zena. That wouldn’t work, she’d try to pull rank with me and with my temper and it would just be so on.
Ass slave, has a nice ring to it.