Tag Archives: Food Addict

Sugar-cane shrapnel

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Captains log,  Stardate 2321.5

It is Day 33 of the Diet.  An invader boarded the ship smuggling Halloween candy with them.   I ordered a red alert.  Despite setting the phasers to stun I was unable to stop the powerful force field-like grip the candy had pulling me towards it.

I consumed a shit-ton of said confection and my self-esteem was badly injured in the melee.

I awoke with sugar dust on my lips,  chocolate on my fingers, lying in a pile of mini-wrappers feeling like I wanted to vomit.   Demoralized sums it up best.

Perhaps I am the unfortunate of which the Big Book speaks on page 58,  I’m feeling quite depressed.  After losing a good amount of weight when I faced the scale on Day 30, this my WP peeps was an epic fail.

“Chekov, resume original course to Planet Diet, warp factor 2.   Engage….”

 

 


Diet

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So I’ve been on this diet.  I have a crap ton of weight to lose.   I love it when my pot-belllied primary care physician in his mid-60’s told me that I needed to lose weight at my last check-up.  As if it’s something I didnt know? WTF.   I almost wanted  to pretend to over exaggerate falling off that tiny half-table they sit your ass on and say,” Oh my God! I’m over weight?” “is there anything I can do about it doctor?” “Is there any hope?” And then fake cry.

As if I don’t already know and I never look in the damn mirror.  He looks like he’s ready to push out twins mind you….but okay.

Back to the diet.  Let’s start with the word diet.  It’s comprised of the words “die” from the German “dii” and “t”.  That’s because of you don’t go on it, you die and you get a nice cross over your grave after the burial service.  So okay, the etymology was total bullshit but it sounded good.

I have been on said diet since October 7th.  Time feels like dog years or some shit with each day passing.  Each hour is expanding somehow.   I watch other people eating bread and feel envious, and if I spy someone eating pastry? I want to curse at them.  Jealous little thing I am.   In some cruel twist of fate my metabolism has slowed from when I was twenty.  I gain weight looking at their damn cupcake!

All the slicing and the chopping and the vegetable prepping is so labor intensive.   I can’t wait for this dog and pony show to be over.

Where is the healthy food drive-thru?  Where can I order my 4 oz of protein and 8 oz of raw veggies, and 8 oz of steamed spinach to go Mcfast.  Oh that’s right nowhere.  There’s only Mcslop up the street under the Golden Arches.

Every where I turn there is flagrant food porn staring me down, enticing me to “come back.”

I am holding steady though.  Like walking a tight rope 100 feet up.  So far I’ve only tettered on the wire, no falls yet.

I’m still rocking this diet, it’s Day 12 WP peeps.

 


Vegetables taste like ass

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So for me to regain a normal relationship to and with food again,  I need to eat in a very specific way.  My meal plan requires 3 weighed and measured meals per day.   No flour, no sugar or artificial sweeteners, nothing in between meals except for water.   The amounts of protein and vegetables are the same at every meal.

I cannot have starchy vegetables like potatoes, corn, squash, peas.   Rather it must be non-starchy veggies like spinach, green beans, broccoli, or asparagus for example.

Did I mention that I hate most non-starchy vegetables?

Also, in relapse I would binge on sugar, fat, starchy food combos in calorie amounts that would leave most people ready to hurl.

Why? It was never about eating for satiety anymore than the alcoholic was drinking for thirst.  It was for the effects.  The why of how it hit my brain and made everything right as rain? I’m not exactly sure. There is a science to it and it has to do with a neurotransmitter called dopamine being released after a huge binge of those high calorie high fat/sugar foods.  But I’m not a scientist.

All I know is that taking away yummy binge foods, causes not only a physical withdrawal but also a mental obsession about them.

My brain has had enough of a ride on the tasteless vegetable train of hell and it’s only been 3 days.

You’ll get used to the vegetables, they said. It’s good for you,  they said.  You’ll feel better in no time, they said.

“I’d pick binging on a big ass plate of Brussels sprouts over cake, said no one ever,” I said.

Time to pray again….


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