Confiteor Deo omnipotenti,
et vobis fratres,
quia peccavi nimis
pere et omissione:
mea culpa, mea culpa,
mea maxima culpa.
Ideo precor beatam Mariam semper Virginem,
omnes angelos et Sanctos,
et vobis fratres,
orare pro me ad Dominum Deum nostrum.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
I confess to almighty God,
and to you, my brothers and sisters,
that I have sinned, through my own fault,
in my thoughts and in my words,
in what I have done and in what I have failed to do,
and I ask blessed Mary ever-Virgin,
all the Angels and Saints,
and you, my brothers and sisters,
to pray for me to the Lord our God.
I don’t like change.
I’ve said this for the last 30 years. So long now I can say this in my sleep. Next week the Church is going to fuck with this prayer and change the words to make it “new” version of the Roman Missal. Where was the voting process? Pfffft. Yeah right. There wasn’t one. I think this is bullshit. I’m not sure what I”m going to do. I think I’m going to still utter the old prayers and responses while everyone else babbles on with the other shit.
This particular prayer has special meaning for me right now.
I am feeling particularly large amounts of shame and failure in my life.
So this prayer just can’t be fucked with. It needs to remain intact.
I’ve been sleeping with my Rosary Beads at night. They were my grandmother’s. She prayed on them every morning. They are almost 80 years old. She even has a relic on there of Saint Padre Pio of Pietrelcina . He is a canonized Saint who had suffered stigmata. They bring me comfort. Knowing that her hands touched them, she was the most holy person I ever knew. Never said a swear her whole life. Went to Mass every day. She was a good, good person. Always had a smile for everyone.
My soul is in great turmoil.
At a friend’s suggestion, I am going to try take a trip for a 90 days. I need a hiatus. A sabbatical.
I’m nervous about this trip. I’m going to travel light. I will bring my Bible, I need to start reading that again. It has been years since I have read it. My heart has become hardened. Stubbornly refusing to go God’s way and instead going my own willful way. Repentance is on the forefront of my mind. To turn away from sin, change my mind, change my direction, turn towards God…..